I have to decide what I’m doing with my life. I’m considering leaving Central. It’s nothing the school did. It’s all me. I’m not putting forth the effort. My heart isn’t in it. I can’t make myself care or do the job I know I’m able to do. I refuse to drop out with less than an associates degree, so that means I have one more year of schooling to go. This leaves me with a few choices:
- Continue another year at Central.
- Move home, work, and go to WSU or Butler.
I’m not a huge fan of dorm life. I was raised as an only child and having to share my room, the volume of voices and music, dealing with people coming in and out when I’m doing homework or taking a nap, etc, has been difficult for me. I’ve tried so hard throughout the last year, but I just don’t think it’s for me. When I think about my other options, working, going to school, and living in my own apartment sounds so much more appealing. And that’s just not an option here. Not to mention that leaving Central and going to WSU or Butler would be so much cheaper.
I just don’t want to make a mistake. I’ve made too many of those this year already. My grades suck. I’ve hurt myself. I’m disappointed. I only have myself to blame. “What happened to me? I hate myself. I was so much better than this in highschool”, I said earlier today. It surprised me, but it was true. I was better than this. I did better than this. I don’t know what happened.
My heart isn’t in it. Maybe this is God’s way of telling me that I’m done here. Maybe it’s His way of telling me that He has other plans for me.
“I’ve never met a 19 year old who wasn’t at least half crazy. It’s a weird time. You’re not a child anymore, but you’re not an adult either. It gets better. Trust and have faith.” - Pastor Chris
